How often have you read a book, listened to a podcast, watched a video, taken psychedelics or just had a really great meditation... and then vowed to change everything in your life?
You're feeling amazing, completely at peace with yourself and the world around you. Your entire being is filled with love and patience and you can handle anything and anyone. No one can upset or shake you now. You are aware and conscious and living in the NOW. You realise that you can choose how to react and respond and YOU GOT THIS....
(slightly evil giggle...)
Then your partner leaves laundry on the floor, toothpaste in the sink or forgets to pick up milk. Your colleague takes credit for something YOU did, your boss says something, your clients show up late for an appointment, you have to stand in a que at the bank, your car won't start, dogs trample mud onto your freshly polished floors. You chip a nail or a heaven forbid, a tooth, you stub your toe or a family member wants to borrow money.
Somehow, inevitably you are faced with challenges and 99% of the time it will be your biggest pet peeves.
And just like that.. in what seems like a split second, your 'Namaste' turns in a 'Nama-nodda-fuck'. After reacting and responding to those challenges in a way quite contradictory to your newly found awareness, you fall into the pits of quilt and self loathing.
"Why did I react like that; why couldn't I just accept it and not respond negatively; why didn't I say this or do that?" You go through thoughts of resentment, both towards yourself and the situation; you think less of yourself because you KNEW how to do it better and 'right'. How useless are you if you can't apply all this wisdom to your life and every situation. You know what I'm talking about...
And that my fellow humans... That's exactly where the lesson lies.
I think most of the time we miss it. First we are so focused on our newly acquired saint-like mindset; and then on our demons, that we miss the plot.
You didn't fail! Hug yourself and say 'its okay'. Apologize to yourself. And accept that you are human, accept your emotions, your reactions and let it be what it is. If you keep doing this, inevitably you will grow.
As you don't dry paint by looking at it, you can't grow a tree by forcing the seeds to sprout or leaves to form. It will all happen by itself, just be okay with that.